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How to control your emotions

Do people make you angry? annoyed? frustrated? There's a process you can follow which helps you to understand AND work your reactions through to a better place. My US friends Dr Myke and Mike have made it their life's work to empower you with control over your emotions and understanding of the emotions of others. This is a system with a 4 step process from triggers to actions. 1. Perceptions - a trigger is something you perceive and which leads to an emotion within you. There's some kind of link for you. Not everyone shares your perception, it may be only you. Many things may trigger some emotion; eg, a picture of a baby animal, or an image of casualties of war. 2. Emotions - are feelings which you have within your body, which you may or may not become aware of. The list of emotions is long, none of them right or wrong, they simply are; eg, love, loneliness, euphoria, sadness. 3. Motivations - is your conditioning which gives you context, your experiential and genetic understanding of what to do when a particular emotion arises. 4. Behaviours - given you've registered a trigger, you feel an emotion, and your environment has laid out what to do with that emotion, what action do you take. You get to choose: 1. do what your conditioning tells you, or 2. do something different. Either way, you might choose to do nothing. Do nothing is a choice. I have a personal example to share with you. My husband joined the army a few years into our relationship. For many years he spent a lot of time away from home and I was very sad about that. I resorted to some comfort eating. We ended up divorcing and it was painful for each of us. For several years afterwards I had an emotional reaction triggered by my past cumulative experiences. Here's what happened: 1. when I saw an army uniform (on anyone) 2. I immediately felt a high degree of each of abandonment, sadness, anger 3. My body felt as if it needed food. It was as if eating would help me fix my emotions - it had worked in the past 4. Initially I didn't have effective control over my decision and I did what my past experiences dictated; 4.1 In the early years after divorce, when I saw a uniform, I resorted to food to soothe my unsettled feeling 4.2 Later I managed to disrupt the need to soothe. With practice I got to the point of no longer being triggered when I saw an army uniform. Now when I see one I have only the recollection of how it used to trigger me. The key to breaking this pattern was for me to find the disruptor and practice. You may be wondering, how do you the find the disruptor? Your situations are unique to the contributing experiences. The disruptor needs to fit your story. So I offer the following as a starting point, then I'll tell you what I did to fix my 'uniform' trigger. Don't take it personally, not in the way your Mum or Dad used to say - this is deep. Try to not personalise what's happening around you, try to detach. Detach without losing compassion. This is one heck of a powerful skill which takes practice. There are many obstacles to achieving detachment. It can help to deprive those obstacles of any airtime. So I'm going to let them slide on by right now and offer you a method. It's the method I first used which really truly got me onto the path to a very healthy and robust detachment with compassion. The way I began practicing detachment was to view what was happening around me as a movie. If this technique is of interest to you simply set up a time using the link below and we'll chat. I'd love to share it directly with you. https://calendly.com/lizhargreaves/30min

Why do men do dumb stuff - for good reason

He broke into a run to cross the road as I hit the brakes, rounding the corner on a downwards hill. I smiled at the woman who was waiting to cross where her husband had made a dash for it. She smiled back. I giggled and felt we shared a moment in agreement that 'Husbands do dumb stuff'. There never really was much risk, I was able to stop. But this man's decision got me to thinking... I've seen this pattern many times, also in my relationship. There are parallels with Hunter Gatherer societies. The masculine in Jeff presses on to get there sooner as is necessary for a hunter to achieve the kill. The feminine in me is patient about getting there a little later, acceptable, maybe even necessary as a gatherer to give greater attention to risk assessment. I wonder why he takes risks, he wonders why I am cautious. Together we make an amazing team, working in Harmony, balancing the other when needed. We trust each other to contribute for the right reasons, for our collective goals. In terms of balance this is perfection, absolutely complementary, perfectly imperfect. Sometimes frustrating to me and sometimes infuriating to him. The wisdom my Mother shared in the 1970s has not been lost on me. She foresaw the emasculation of western men as we took the path of empowering women. Ongoing emasculation of men is something I have witnessed and been a party to. I'm not proud of all of that - not at a personal level nor at a societal level. As evolving societies we've achieved some great things, and we've caused pain along the way. From here and now we can do better. I can do better. I want to see the masculine allowed as the feminine rises. Women AND men are essential to achieving our natural balance. I'd love to say good-bye to patriarchal societies, yet I don't wish to live in a matriarchal society. How about matri-patriarchal instead - feminine dominance in some things, masculine dominance in others. Could this underpin a type of Harmony-archal result where there's a place for all. If you'd like to hear more musings from me and my friends, subscribe to Conscious Professionals the podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/conscious-professionals/id1495099185 Best, Liz

"Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you."

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Poignant words for today. Seems to me the times are calling us to Stand Up With Others for what we care about.

Feel great with juices, salads and smoothies

Low energy, feeling hungry when I shouldn't, agitated for no reason, these are signs for me to intake something green. It's a daily habit for me and has been for over 2 years, to juice and consume lots of greens, ginger, lemon, and selected fruits. I even have a travelling juicer for those times where the local cuisine and restaurants are not so green friendly. Because it's made such a huge difference for me I'm delighted to give you access to this list of recipes, to help you get started on increasing your daily green intake. With compliments from generous spirited Carol Egan, Executive Health & High Performance Coach, and Founding Contributor of astera.global

Build Your Mindfulness Practices

Stepping onto the path of mindfulness is one of the best decisions you will make for yourself and everyone around you. Further developing your practices will take you to places you cannot yet imagine and which can enhance your life to fulfillment and beyond. But how do you do it? It takes practice. Your mindfulness is similar to a muscle, the more it is used the stronger it becomes. You can build it up to greater speed, accuracy and knowing around your personal decision making. You just need to make a start and you will be hooked! Anecdotal evidence suggests there is no going back to old habits, unlike the many new year’s resolutions we have all tried, and thank goodness! Because mindful living is living well. Beginning your mindfulness practice can be as simple as determining that every day you will celebrate 3 things for which you are grateful. This sounds like positive attitude, but it is actually more, we take it deeper to the point of raising the vibe within your body. Not only does that feel great, it IS great for your body and wellness. From a higher vibe you’ll begin to notice what works for you and what doesn’t, what supports your good feeling and what depletes it. Noticing the difference is discernment. Get to this point and the people around you will feel a change, they may even comment. If this appeals to you, I invite you to join me in this https://www.astera.global/event-details/free-5-day-mindfulness-challenge. I’d be delighted to help you develop some mindfulness habits. It’s for busy people like you because there really is a better way to manage professional life. #mindfulness #stress #workplacestress #challenge

When Your Choice is Burnout or Mindfulness

Burnout from work-related stress is real. We all know someone who is suffering burnout to varying degrees. I have personally observed this in a friend, whose body began to shut down. The World Health Organisation (WHO) defines burnout as ‘a state of vital exhaustion’. In its ICD-11, the WHO describes burn-out as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. And characterized by; 1. feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion; 2. increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one's job; and 3. reduced professional efficacy. Kate Lovett, dean of the Royal College of Psychiatrists has said, “it is not considered to be a mental illness, but rather a form of chronic workplace stress” I find it strangely comforting to consider burnout is NOT a mental illness. Somehow that causes me to feel there is greater chance of recovery. Certainly my friend, who is young and athletic, has improved dramatically from 12 months ago when his legs repeatedly gave out from under him. Now he is revitalised and has rejoined the paid workforce in a meaningful way. Thank goodness! But the cost was a major disruption for he, his family and his employer. One of the actions of my friend was to adopt mindfulness techniques to support his recovery. Only he knows how beneficial this was, although he has acknowledged to me that he felt better supported in his journey by practicing mindfulness in his own way. I believe every person who works in professional areas can avoid burnout and enhance their personal outcomes, and that they deserve this. So I've created this easy challenge, purpose built for busy professionals, to help you along your way to mindfulness. https://www.astera.global/event-details/free-5-day-mindfulness-challenge #burnout #mindfulness #stress

Yes, Mindfulness Does Support High Performance

With technology providing 24/7 connectivity,combined with working from home, there is an increasing blurring of the lines between our personal and our professional lives. For our survival we need to evolve quickly, we need to respond with new modes of behaviour – is mindfulness the answer? Richard Branson is quoted as saying "Mindfulness is one way that many entrepreneurs choose to combat the toll wrought by round-the-clock emails, long working hours and other aspects of our accelerated business culture," "The business leader Arianna Huffington says that mindfulness gives her a competitive edge; Steve Jobs did too." You might think at first that mindfulness is a buzz word, be assured it brings real benefits to people. You know this is true, you see it in people who are already practicing. The question for you is, how to best choose mindfulness activities which work for you, and how do you implement in your busy professional life? The answer, you need to experience different techniques to understand what works best for you – and you want quick answers. Take a look at what https://www.astera.global/ offers you.

How Dedicated Professionals Develop Their Emotional Intelligence

Today’s best leaders are those who have developed emotional intelligence (EI). They are the people who will lead the discerning employee to success. Never before has this been more important. We’re all leaders. Everyone has capacity to lead another person in some way, either as a direct leader or as influencer. The quality of leadership becomes the variable and EI is the answer to optimising your leadership qualities. What are the elements of EI? Daniel Goleman’s model is a great framework for us to develop our understanding. The five components are; - Self-Awareness, the ability to identify and explore your own emotional triggers and responses - Self-Regulation, the extent to which you’re able to adjust your responses - Motivation, your desire to learn and self-improve - Empathy, your ability to understand others, which you can only achieve if you are self-aware - Social-Awareness, your capacity to find common ground and collaborate Mindfulness is an ally of all these components. Mindfulness calms and focuses you, making you more self-aware in the process. From here you can achieve deeper understanding around your responses, your empathy, social awareness and even your motivation. Stepping onto the path of mindfulness is just the beginning of your journey towards your highest EI. Mindfulness will be there with you along your journey. It will provide comfort when in self-doubt, knowledge when unsure of next steps, deep certainty in yourself and an enhanced awareness that you have more to learn. I have a toolbox full of techniques which have brought me to my place of mindfulness. I'm making these tools available to you for your personal development. I'd love to share with you in this structured and easily implemented 5 Day Challenge in July 2020. Here's the link; https://www.astera.global/event-details/free-5-day-mindfulness-challenge #workplacestress #mindfulness #emotionalintelligence

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